YouTube fun

It's Tuesday. Have some Doctor Who.



I love this song.

LOL Lenihan

TGIF 90s Harp ads

Loved these ads

Just because it's Wednesday

and in honour of the financial (and other) crisis...

PowerPoint: less is more

I had a Very Important Presentation that went off well today. I spoke for 5 minutes and used 7 PowerPoint slides. I hate PowerPoint mainly because it is so often abused by those who think that a presentation is PowerPoint. And so here's a vid for those of you who lay on the PowerPoint a little thickly.



and for the laughs

Conduct your own Sarah Palin interview

H/T Belledame

Conduct your own Sarah Palin interview. It's very random and quite scary.

Has that parrot joined the choir invisible?

Oh, well, some decisions that have provided me an interest in our day, politicians have readily shared much lesser tales of adversity than the nightmare world in which this man, and others equally brave, served and suffered for their kids. That's got to show the support, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to speak God's words.

A leader who's not looking at poll numbers. What I know that inaction is not supposed to work. Thanks to my kids have provided me a lot of things that John McCain has inspired with his words.

Is Severus Snape a force for good or evil?

They're our next door neighbors.We need to pursue those and we need them. They need on their team to provide for the right agenda for America. ...It's to make a difference, they make people's lives better. I did recognize though that Commissioner Monegan could provide for better public service, I haven't micromanaged them. So, I didn't hesitate, no.

A leader who's not looking for a year. [And so] on a personal level, when I learned I was very appropriate that we need someone like that was just born recently, And he's just an awesome sweet baby. Trig was born with Down Syndrome has opened my eyes too to challenges that others have. Every American I'm speaking of now, [an] oil service company's undue influence of lobbyists in public service in another area, so I didn't blink then even when asked to do is rid this world where war is hell and I replied back then, as I would never presume to know God's will or to speak with him with no preconditions being met." Diplomacy is about doing a lot of concerns from not just self-protection, but also for our military, those who would have followed any law anyway? No. You start banning guns and you ask that question is kind of irrelevant, because it's accepted. Of course you can raise a family.

Do you believe in witchcraft?

Putin thinks otherwise. Obviously, he thinks otherwise, but...

Help me Barack Obama you're my only hope

Another opportunity to become a millionaire

I'm a little confused as I don't really belong to any church, much less am the DEAREST ONE OF GOD. Can it be possible that an Ivorian woman from Kuwait called Susan Morgan wants to give me $2.5 million? In her place, I'd use the money to work on a cure but I'm selfish this way. I don't think I'm the appropriate person on whom to bestow this ton of money.

ATTN DEAREST ONE OF GOD

I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr.Abram Morgan, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2004. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2. 5 Million (Two Million Five Hundred U.S. Dollars) in the bank here in Abidjan in suspense account.

Presently, the fund is still with the bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.

...

Contact me on the above e-mail address for more information抯, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.

Nicely put. Reply at once or lose this wonderful opportunity. I'd going to kindly decline because I'm not an idiot. People do believe these emails and waste thousands of dollars on "transfer fees". Other people write hilarious replies.

Best thing ever or complete sacrilege?

Eoin Colfer is to write a book in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. Is it great that Ford Prefect, Trillian and Zaphod Beeblebrox get another outing or is it the worst thing since cheese in a can? I'm reserving judgement till I read it. The Guardian has this to say:

The book will "make no claims for Eoin being Douglas", according to Prior. "It's not Eoin Colfer writing as Douglas Adams, as was the case with Sebastian Faulks," she said, pointing to Penguin's successful publication of Faulks's new James Bond novel Devil May Care earlier this year. "It's absolutely about him being himself – Eoin the author, but with the cast of Hitchhiker."

Colfer himself is currently grappling with nerves over the quality of his addition to Adams' oeuvre. "I feel more pressure to perform now than I ever have with my own books, and that is why I am bloody determined that this will be the best thing I have ever written," he said. "For the first time in decades I feel the uncertainty that I last felt in my teenage years. There are people out there that really want to like this book."

Douglas Adams was an amazing writer. Who else could come up with lines like

The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I'd written both of them.

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Many had seen it as clinching proof that the whole of known creation had finally gone bananas.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

It said: 'The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
"For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?"

The major problem — one of the major problems, for there are several — one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarize: it is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

The sign said: Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion. 'It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.'

I could do this for pages. I love the book and the radio series. I think the film missed the point a bit. Go read it. It's worth it. Don't panic or forget your towel!

Scammers and spammers

The Phnom Penh Post reports that internet scams have hit Cambodia. Course they hit ages ago but I suppose the news takes time to filter through.

Kim Sothea Thangdy was very nearly the victim of a recent email lottery scam that is doing the rounds in Cambodia. She received an email two weeks ago claiming to be from The National Lottery Company, based in the UK. It informed her that she had won US$300,000.

The 21-year-old says the email seemed very believable, so she replied with a series of questions, and though excited, kept the news of her supposed winnings a secret until she was sure. "I was thinking, ‘It is my time. It is my time for change'," she said.

The National Lottery Company, which does not exist, replied at length to Thangdy's queries and seemed very happy she had contacted them. The scammers began an extended correspondence with her to organise payment. She decided to tell her family and friends the good news. But her suspicions were aroused when the company began requesting highly personal information, including details about her bank account.

There's no way to really stop the spammers but net education would be good. It could be as simple as not sending personal information to unknown web email address.

The Boston Globe has a funny piece on someone who replied to a scammer (H/T Donna) with the title of "The spam victim strikes back"

Dear Representative,

We will like to congratulate you for you willing to be our representative in your region, but we want you to know that you did not fill your details in the form we sent to you earlier. [The information requested: name, address, city, zip code, state, home phone, cellphone, age, gender, marital status, occupation, and name of bank.]

Thanks for your Co-operation
Mr. Ben Winners

Dear Sir,

In my excitement, I overlooked the form. I shall send the information required. My commission will be 20 percent, yes? And could you perhaps provide a bit more detail on the type of work I will be doing? If it has to do with crafts, I excel at that!

...

Very amusing, though probably not very effective in combating the problem :-)

IMF and World Bank to bail out the US?

I love the taste of satire in the morning and the wingnutty comments set me up for the day.

Dear United States, Welcome to the Third World!

It's not every day that a superpower makes a bid to transform itself into a Third World nation, and we here at the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund want to be among the first to welcome you to the community of states in desperate need of international economic assistance. As you spiral into a catastrophic financial meltdown, we are delighted to respond to your Treasury Department's request that we undertake a joint stability assessment of your financial sector. In these turbulent times, we can provide services ranging from subsidized loans to expert advisors willing to perform an emergency overhaul of your entire government...

It's funny because it could be true!

Jerry O Connell rips the piss out of Tom Cruise

Here's the vid...

(h/t dlisted)



And just in case you missed the original...

Happy new year

Been away from Bloglandia but I will return soon with more vitriol and bitching. In the meantime some funny:

"A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn." - Blackadder

"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes." - Ford Prefect

"I smeared my opponents, bribed the press to be on my side, and threatened to torture the electorate if we lost! I fail to see what more a decent politician could have done." - Pitt the even Younger

"So in the name of security, all men entering the premises must have their bottoms fondled by this drooling pervert?" - Blackadder

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools" - Ford Prefect

"Come on, Ted. Sure it's no more peculiar than all that stuff we learned in the seminary, you know, Heaven and Hell and everlasting life and all that type of thing. You're not meant to take it seriously, Ted!" - Father Dougal

"They were a bit obsessed with the old...S-E-X. God I'm glad I never think of that type of thing Father. That whole sexual world. God, when you think of it it's a dirty, filthy thing, isn't it Father? Can you imagine Father? Can you imagine Father, looking up at your husband, him standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself? God almighty can you imagine that Father? Can you picture it there Father? Oh get a good mental picture of it. Can you see him there? Ready to do the business? - Mrs Doyle

"I'm not a fascist, I'm a priest. Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas...priests..." - Father Ted

Frank Kelly's Christmas countdown

And now for some Christmas humour!



Day One

Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We’re getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they’re good friends now and we’re keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O’Lúnasa

Day Two

Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet’s bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
Yours ever,
Gobnait

Day Three

Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds’ droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she’s watching the telly, doesn’t help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
I remain,
Your Gobnait

Day Four

Dear Nuala,
You mustn’t have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet’s bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
Gobnait

Day Five

Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
Your affectionate friend,
Gobnait

Day Six

Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us? It isn’t that we don’t appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet’s head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
Gobnait

Day Seven

Nuala,
We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they’ve gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
Gobnait

Day Eight

Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother’s rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I’m very annoyed with you.
Gobnait

Day Nine

Listen you louser!
There’s enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I’m warning you, you’re making an enemy of me.
Gobnait

Day Ten

Listen manure-face,
I hope you’ll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn’t a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You’ll get yours!
Gobnait O’Lúnasa

Day Eleven

You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they’ve now been joined by your friends the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like “Outlook”. I’ll get you yet, you ould bag!

Day Twelve

Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, ‘cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they’d been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I’m sitting here, up to my neck in birds’ droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds’ blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I’m a broken man.
Gobnait O’Lúnasa

Noodles

Apparently asking someone if they want Chinese noodles is a euphemism.

Anyone want to hazard a guess about what?

That sinking feeling

Disappointment struck party goers on Saturday night, when DJ Maia the Magnificent's set was cut short because Pontoon was sinking. The crowd was dancing, swaying and, in general, moving to the music. Only three more songs would be permitted. The crowd left for Heart, disgruntled. After all, DJ Maia is the best in the Penh and when Pontoon has good music, it's a great place to gather and party.

Many spent the night receiving text message from friends, unable to board the ill-fated vessel. Those on the shore cried to the party goers to leave and prevent disaster. Alas the music was too good. And they danced as the vessel sank lower in the water.

There are those who are sceptical, who do not believe that it was sinking at all, that it was merely a plot to overthrow DJ Maia's musical genius but this is clearly madness - no one is that arrogant surely...

Pontoon: will it ever recover?

Apologies to Monty Python

My phone tripped down the stairs this morning.

It's not pining, it's passed on. This phone is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late phone. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't glued it together, it would be pushing up the daisies. Its mechanical processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-phone!

I will sacrifice my lunchtime to go shopping for a new lifeline, of the Nokia kind.

Death by bandaids

... is s fairly original way to die

Phnom Penh - A Cambodian man died after staging a silent protest against his wife's alleged infidelity by taping his nose and mouth shut with band-aids, local media reported Tuesday.

Chea Songha, 42, of the north-western province of Battambang, became enraged with his wife's repeated absences, and, after consuming a large amount of alcohol on Sunday morning, taped over his nose and mouth in an effort to draw his wife's attention to his distress when she returned, reported Khmer-language newspaper Koh Santepheap.

Although police said he did not embark on his stunt as a deliberate suicide attempt, Songha appeared aware of the risks, instructing his sister before she left him home alone that if it ended badly they should play disco music at his funeral, apparently as a further taunt to his wife. (Source)

The moral of the story kiddies, is that air goes in the lungs. Don't block them off.

As funny as this is, there is something darker beneath the surface. The idiot victim dies essentially because he is extremely angry at not being able to control his wife. His final thoughts are of taunting her. Sounds like a very pleasant fellow. Did no one ever tell him that women are people too? We will go wherever we wish? We have equal rights, at least on paper. No one gets to control another human being. No one should have to put up with threats and intimidation.

If he had been less of a misogynist, he'd probably have been fine, but there's no accounting for stupidity!

A taste of Dublin

Yesterday I saw a tuktuk driver wearing a Dublin GAA Irish Football geansa.

Probably one of the strangest things I've seen here. Arnotts logo a blaze across it. Have they outsourced to Cambodia? Check your labels GAA fans and let me know.

No one does it better

Thou art so leaky that we must leave thee to thy sinking.
- Anthony and Cleopatra

Check out the Shakespeare insult generator - kept me amused for hours!

And on a much lighter note... dating in Phnom Penh

Cross posted on Expat Advisory. Just a bit of light hearted fun, really...

The desperate and dateless situation for the females in Phnom Penh really hit hard on Valentine's day this year. This single gal assessed her options... I could have gone speed dating at the FCC but the idea of giving a kiss, hug or cross to a man I already know, work with, is married, or will invariably run into at 'The Shop' on Saturday morning didn't really appeal.

I could have put in a bid at the Bachelor Auction but decided that things really were getting desperate if I had to pay for a date...

So, unfortunately did a Bridget Jones and went along to the FCC as a non-participant, drank copious amounts of red wine, danced with the girls, ate some chocolates given to me by a girlfriend (my only Valentine) and by 11pm was singing Johnny Paul Young's 'Love is in the Air' VERY loudly... Oh well, just another Wednesday (Or was that Friday?) night in Phnom Penh...eek! - Cassie

Behold the lament of single girls in Phnom Penh. Sure there are plenty of boys around the city, but once you've ruled out Cambodian, married or faithful to girlfriend, gay or sexpat, there are few left.

Talking about the single boys, Cambodia has a glut of professional single women and a paucity of eligible men.

Identify and target the eligible boys, is the name of the game whether you play for laughs or to win. Genya said, Did I find someone I like? A couple but they were all taken within a matter of minutes!

So already there are few single boys and of those few there are, to quote Bridget Jones, alcoholics, workoholics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts, and so the pool gets shallower.

Often the question arises from those in couples dispensing helpful advice to people who are happier than they are, of why expat girls don't date Cambodian boys. Well some brave girls do until they are left for a previously undisclosed marriage or a marriage-to-be. As one girl said the cultural differences are such that the power imbalance would be considerable for the average Cambodian male. The girls I know who do date Cambodians had to teach them how to kiss, which bodes ill for having a fun time.

I'm not sure if the word disaster covers the dating situation that single girls find themselves in when they arrive in country, so I asked the girls for their perspective

'A lost cause' is how I would describe the dating here. - K

Dating in Cambodia sucks... I have been here for a year now and have yet to go on a date and it's not due to the lack of propositioning. - B

A date in Cambodia? It's like snow in the Sahara! - Genya

A vision of the Sahara desert comes to mind - dry, barren and rough. - X

It's not that I never meet anyone, I mean I don't, but I don't want a backpacker, an intern, a bi-both ways, a guy only after Khmer girls or a married guy! Just simply a normal guy with a job and some kind of goals in life! Yet it seems I'm asking too much! - K

I might be pessimistic, though I see it as being realistic. I'm basically not ever, not even through naiveté, going to sleep with a man that's into the commercial sex scene, even if this means being completely devoid of any sexual activity... and damn am I going crazy! - B

It sucks to be straight and single in this town but what about the gay girls? What's the scene like? The rumours are that the straight girls have started dating gay girls because the boys are just not present.

What is the scene like - great if you're a lesbian - they seem to get loads of sex, apparently from all the frustrated straight girls too! - Genya

As a gay girl in Phnom Penh, attempting to 'hook up' is not really the question, avoiding becoming the subject of gossip and rumours, is. Still, with people leaving and new ones arriving, the scene hopefully rotates enough to make it sustainable fun.

One interesting facet of the scene is that there are an inordinate number of 'straight' women dancing in the same space, possibly due to the scarcity of available chaps... or at least, that's how the story goes... - English Girl

So those are our options, find the rarest of the rare - a single boy capable of social interaction, sexpats, girl on girl or masturbation. But is there an often untapped resource? Straight girls, listen up, there are boys out there.

If you want to get laid, think backpackers! Now granted they can be a little smelly and you really don't want to hear how meditation changed their life, or the funny story with the syphilis, but showers, oral sex and condoms will fix all the issues.

Shagging backpackers is the new black. Of course it is the definition of a one night stand but at least you can be fairly sure that you won't be the subject of the latest Phnom Penh gossip. Upon close observation, the habitat of the vir backpackerus cambodi appears to be concentrated in lakeside. There is cheap drinking up there too.

I have a friend who was seriously dicked over by a male expat here. I still recall the text she sent me that said "I think I just have to go to the lake and meet a backpacker." So I took her to the lake that evening. She eyed one guy who was sitting at a table near us at the Flying Elephant... My friend got exactly what she wanted, finding a cute guy who she danced and made out with. - Liz

I'm just going to stick with the ol' back packers! - B

In a community where there are so many more female expats than males, and so many of the males already have significant others, sometimes you just gotta go to the lake and hook up with a backpacker.

I've heard a number of expat females who have gone backpacker one lonely night. The guy(s) really go for the whole expat thing and think it's awesome you live here. If one is trying to hook up with a backpacker, taking them to heart of darkness is a MUST. - - Liz

So, girls, if you are lonely and/or horny and there is zero possibility of going out with an expat, then head up to the lake where you can find company for the evening. Just remember to use plenty of soap and the entire box of condoms.