Got a response from Cosmo

Last week I wrote a letter to Cosmo to complain about their disgusting grey rape article, and today I received this in reply:

Dear Reader,

We received your letter of concern regarding our September story “A New Kind of Date Rape” and want to address what seems to be a misunderstanding. Cosmopolitan did not invent the term gray rape. The phrase emerged when the author of our article, Laura Sessions Stepp, was researching a book on today’s hookup culture.

In fact, the words were used by women who were left confused after a sexual encounter they were not one hundred percent sure they had consented to and by women who had known friends who were similarly confused. The confusion, many of these women admitted, was the result of having been under the influence of alcohol at the time of the encounter. Our article endeavored to help victims in these situations make sense of their ordeal, explain their avenues of recourse, and offer advice on how women can prevent so-called gray rapes from happening.

Cosmopolitan has a long history of covering the topic of sexual assault and, more important, of being an advocate for victims. Linda Fairstein, a former Manhattan sex-crimes prosecutor of 25 years, is a regular contributor to our pages. She and other rape experts applaud Cosmopolitan’s efforts to keep our readers educated about such difficult issues as sexual assault.

Sincerely,

The Editors of Cosmopolitan

Right, thanks for the generic response, Cosmo. Other letter writers got exactly the same one. Thanks for not addressing a single one of my points. Nowhere did I claim that Cosmo invented the term grey rape. No one thinks that, so get over your wounded puppy dog eyes already. Why do you think that women who have suffered sexual assault and rape are confused? Well let's count the reasons shall we?

• the media portrays rape as something that happens in a dark alley so how could it possibly be rape if you know the man or have had sex with him before
• 'My boyfriend would never do that to me. Would he?'
• 'She was wearing a red dress. What did she expect?
• 'You asked for it.'
• 'You were drunk'

For many other reasons that society teaches women that it's not rape unless you are a teetotaller virgin. It's misogyny. It's judgemental. It's "why can't you stay home like a good girl? Why don't you wait until you're are married and then you can give up your silly little career and produce babies. Won't that make you happy?"

For more information, play rape bingo by Midnight Louise!

Of course women are confused and angry and upset but they should not have to try and minimise their experiences. Our society denies non-violent rape victims a context to frame their experiences. The common perception that it is only rape if it is a stranger in a dark alley has been proved false time and time again. The vast majority of women are raped by their partners, friends or relatives. And yet there is no acceptance of this, which is why women may express the doubts mentioned.

No consent = rape

There is no doubt in my mind that your article was irresponsible and will increase the confusion among young women. A retraction and an apology would be more fitting.